Remembering Tony Gwynn - Five Exclamation Marks Great! Five rules for communication.

Many baseball fans were puzzled that there was no tribute to Tony Gwynn at this year's All-Star game following the Hall-of-Famer's death a few weeks earlier. Personally, my first instinct was to write about the impact he had here locally, but as a New England native living in San Diego, who was I to tell anybody what they already knew from observing Tony the past thirty years - that he was undoubtedly one of the greatest hitters of all time, but more than that, he was widely believed to be a better person than hitter. This became clear as the tributes rolled in - this was the story. So now, with the World Series upon us and another baseball season about to dissipate into the crisp fall air, I think it's a good time to remember Tony for what certainly was one of his greatest gifts, his uncanny ability to connect with people. I think anyone who ever met the guy came away with the same good feeling and I think there's a lot we can learn from him about the way we relate and communicate with others.

As MLB.Com reporter Todd Zolecki so perfectly summarized back in July, “It seemed everybody remotely connected to baseball shared their Gwynn story [during the weeks following his death].”  “Mr. Padre” was widely popular, incredibly friendly and famously kind.  Everybody seemed to love the man, who spent his entire Hall of Fame career with San Diego.” It's so true about those Tony stories too.  Not only from those in baseball circles, but if there are a million people in San Diego, it seems there are a million stories about Tony’s generosity with his time, attention and resources.  He might have been a superstar on the field, but off it, he was an every man’s man, never aloof, never too important to give his utmost attention to everyone he came in contact with. I have my story too.

I only had the pleasure of meeting Tony once, at an autograph signing at the grand opening of Petco Park a few years after his playing days were over – it was a fundraiser of course – I think for his SDSU baseball program.  There was a huge line and when it was my turn, I joked with him that he had something in common with a friend of mine who had just “retired” from his baseball career as well, albeit as a rec player in a Boston adult league.  I asked Tony if he could inscribe the ball “Ain’t retirement great!” so he took the ball, looked down at it for a moment, then looked up and chuckled his famous chuckle, making himself laugh about the idea of retirement for him. Like Jim Mora ranting about the absurd idea of making the NFL playoffs – “Playoffs?”  Tony snapped in a good way “Retirement? Retirement?” and spent what seemed like the next five minutes talking about how his retirement was equally absurd in the traditional sense of the word.  He was busier than ever coaching State, doing TV work for the Padres and networks, being a family man, one thing stacked on top of another...and yes, it was all good-natured and he was laughing all the way through the harangue. “Yeah, tell your buddy to enjoy his retirement for me.” He then looked back down as his big laugh settled down, wrote out exactly what I asked – “Ain’t retirement great” – and then he started writing down exclamation marks, first one, then two and three, then he stared at it another moment and quickly added two more – five neatly aligned exclamation points!!!!!

In a way, this little snippet, one of those million stories, reflects the message in all those tributes – that this was just Tony being Tony. In the end, the love and respect he earned wasn’t so much about all those hits, but more about how he made people feel, how he could laugh at himself and how he was so comfortable in the moment, gracefully attending to detail and willing to go the extra mile. In his own words, “All you can do it try to do the right thing and that’s basically what I’ve tried to do.” As life advice goes, that’s a pretty big one so I just want to focus on what those few minutes in the middle of a very long day demonstrate about Tony and what we can learn to better ourselves.

1. Be your authentic self! Keep it real and don’t try to be someone or something you are not, people will see right through it. Tony was never afraid to let his personality shine through. He didn't hold back.
2. Honor the present moment! It seems like we’re too easily distracted these days and don’t pay attention to what is right in front of us. Do we dismiss people too easily because we’re busy worrying about the next thing we need to do or the last thing we just did? In this scenario Tony didn't give us the bum's rush but let the exchange happen organically which allowed him to make his mark on the moment, literally. We shouldn't preordain how any interaction should go so a little patience and an open mind might make for a better result.
3. Be aware of how you make people feel! Whether we like it or not, in every interaction, there are two parties that want something, but we often think it’s a one way transaction. It doesn’t mean every mundane business conversation has to be a lovefest, but it is important to know there is an expectation of something on the other side and while it may not be important to you, your actions dictate what people think of you.  It’s never one sided and I feel confident saying Tony Gwynn understood this on some level because it appears he never tired of giving in this context. I suppose you could also say that if you give respect, you get respect. When our time comes to check out, what will people talk about? That Y2K project you managed with an iron fist, or about what it was really like to be around you?  Something to think about.
4. Don't mail it in! There's no escaping mundane tasks and this is how life often passes us by because we mentally check out. I find this funny because on the one hand, humans love their routines, but if you take a close look at the people you pass each day, it might look like a casting call for "The Walking Dead." Zombies everywhere! When we met Tony that day, he was not patronizing to anybody at the event.  He was working hard being himself and making the most of his job for the day. He was known for his work ethic and attention to detail so I'm going to go out on a limb and say he never mailed it in.  
5. You never really retire!  Yes, you can retire from a job but you can’t retire from being you!  That is, you have talents, skills and influence you can use in positive ways every day of your life to help make a difference in other people’s lives.  Don’t retire per se, evolve! Tony didn’t seek the limelight but he also didn’t shy away from being a public figure and giving back with verve. We should all be like Tony.

So there you have it, five exclamation marks of greatness, five tips from Tony Gwynn on how to better communicate and connect with people. In an age when we all seem to be very worried about the image we project, Tony was the real deal, genuine in his actions and intent.  Tony Gwynn had personal brand!  This is why he was different. This is why his loss is palpable here in San Diego and beyond.

Jim Tosches ia an amateur umpire, and blogger in Encinitas, CA. He wrote the book "The Rules Abide: The Thinking Fan's Guide to Baseball Rules (With History, Humor and a Few Big Words)."  

You can sample and purchase Jim's book along with 9 other great baseball books for under two bucks by clicking on www.TheBaseBallReader.com